LongSongBook

Melody – B-I-N-G-O

There was a girl who hashed with us 
and BIMBO was her name oh
B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O 
And BIMBO was her name oh
This girl she had enormous tits 
Three-eight-double-D- oh
B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O 
And BIMBO was her name oh
And on these tits she did depend 
To have her way with men oh
B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O 
And BIMBO was her name oh
The guys would follow her around 
To try to suck her toes oh
B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O 
And BIMBO was her name oh
She always shopped at Frederick’s 
For lacy bras and things oh
B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O 
And BIMBO was her name oh
The other girls all hated her 
Because she was a BIMBO
B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O, B-I-M-B-O 
And BIMBO was her name oh

Be my guest
Be my guest
Put my service to the test
Wrap your legs around my waist cherie
And I will do the rest

Menage a trois, 69
Without your clothes you look just fine
Try the white stuff, it’s delicious
Don’t believe me? Ask da bitches
They can scream, they can moan
When I give them all the bone
Cuz a screwing here is never 2nd best!
Come on unzip my pants
Then take a look, a glance

Be my guest!
I’m the best!
Be my guest!
Be my love
Be my slave

Let’s kick back and watch some Dave
I’ll prepare
Extraordinaire
And then I’ll spelunk in your cave
We’re alone and you’re scared
But the bedroom’s all prepared
No one’s ever been complaining
Cuz I’m always entertaining
I sell smokes, you turn trix
I’m the dick to end all Dicks!
Lick me, bite me, suck me, blow me, give me head
You’re such a nice young lass
Come on and shake your ass

Be my guest
If you’re stressed
It’s my love spear I suggest
Be my guest
I’m the best
Be my guest!
Life is disconcerting
To a flirter who’s not flirting
He’s not whole without a soul
To jump upon
Ah those good old days when I was fruitful
Tonight we’ll be fruitful until dawn
Three weeks it’s been missing
Needing so much more than kissing
Needing exercise, a chance to use its skill
Most days I just jerk off in the bathroom
Flabby, fat and lazy
You walk in and I go crazy
It’s a guest!
It’s a guest!

Sakes alive she’s got a chest
Wine’s been poured
And I’ve been bored
Gosh I’d love to stroke her breast
With dessert she’ll want me
With some luck we’ll make it three
While the bed starts in a-squeaking
I’ll be coming, I’ll be peaking
You’ll get warm, piping hot
Heaven’s sakes, is that a spot?
Clean it up, we want the company impressed.
I’ve got you to do
Was that one fuck or two?
For you my guest
She’s my guest

My command is your request
It’s been three weeks since
I’ve seen anybody’s peaks
And I’m obsessed
You’re a treat, you’re a tease
Yes indeed I aim to please
Through the night we’ll keep a-going
Pretty soon you’ll be a glowing
Thrust by thrust

One by one
Till you shout “Enough, I’ve come”
Then I’ll whisk you off to bed for oral sex
Tonight you’ll prop your feet up
And I’ll start to eat up
Be my guest
I’m the best!
BE MY GUEST!

Melody – As the Cassions Go Rolling Along

CHORUS:

Well its hi hi hee, at the Kotex Factory,
Shout out your orders loud and clear. LOUD AND CLEAR.
We got small, medium, large,
We got rags to fill a barge,
When the end of the month rolls around.

– You can tell by her walk that you’ll sit around and talk When the end of the month rolls around.
– You can tell by the blotch that she’s got a leaky crotch When the end of the month rolls around.
– You can tell by her eyes there is blood between her thighs When the end of the month rolls around.
– You can tell by her pout that her eggs are falling out When the end of the month rolls around.
– You can tell by the smell, that she isn’t feeling well. When the end of the month rolls around.
– You can tell that it itches, by the way she always bitches, When the end of the month rolls around.
– You can bet it ain’t sweat when her underwear is wet, When the end of the month rolls around.
– You can tell by the stink that she isn’t in the pink When the end of the month rolls around.
– You can tell by the string that there’ll be no midnight fling When the end of the month rolls around.
– You can guess by the mess, you don’t wanna remove her dress

When the end of the month rolls around.

You can deduce by her juice that she’ll soon be running loose When the end of the month rolls around.
…. But it’s great, when your favorite date, calls you up and says, “Honey my period ain’t late.

My girlfriend is a vegetable,
She lives in the hospital
I’d do most anything to keep her alive!
She’s got a new TV
It’s called an EKG!
I’d do most anything to keep her alive!
Sometimes for a joke
I pull the plug and watch her choke
I’d do most anything to keep her alive!She can’t get out of bed
Still she can give me head!
I’d do most anything to keep her alive!

Melody – When Johnny Comes Marching Home
I put my hand upon her toe, Ya Ho! Ya Ho
I put my hand upon her toe, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her toe,
She said, “Hey Hasher, you’re way too low,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her knee, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her knee, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her knee,
She said, “Hey Hasher, you’re teasin’ me,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her thigh, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her thigh, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her thigh,
She said, “Hey Hasher, you’re way to shy,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her chin, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her chin, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her chin,
She said, “Hey Hasher, stick it in,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her tit, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her tit, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her tit,
She said, “Hey Hasher, you’re squeezin’ it,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her breast, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her breast, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her breast,
She said, “Hey Hasher, I want the rest,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her snatch, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her snatch, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her snatch,
She said, “Hey Hasher, you’ve found the scratch,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her twat, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her twat, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my hand upon her twat,
She said, “Hey Hasher, you’ve hit the spot,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!”
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my dick in her mouth, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my dick in her mouth, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
I put my dick in her mouth,
She said, “wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh, wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh wuh !”
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
Now she lies in a wooden box, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
Now she lies in a wooden box, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
Now she lies in a wooden box,
From sucking too many Hasher’s cocks,
Get in, get out, quit fuckin’ about!
Ya Ho! Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
We dig her up every now and then, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
We dig her up every now and then, Ya Ho! Ya Ho!
We dig her up every now and then,
We fucked her once, We’ll fuck her again.

Lacy things, the wife is missin’,
Didn’t ask for her permission,
I’m wearin her clothes, her silk panty hose,
Walkin’ round in womens’ underwear.
In the store, there’s a teddy
Little straps, like spaghetti
It holds me so tight, like handcuffs at night
Walkin’ round in womens’ underwear.
In the office there’s a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown,
He’ll say are you ready, I’ll say whoa man,
Let’s wait until the wife is out of town.
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress like Madonna,
Put on some eye shade and join the parade
Walkin’ round in womens’ underwear.
Lacy things the wife is missin’,
Didn’t ask for her permission,
I’m wearin her clothes, her silk panty hose,
Walkin’ round in womens’ underwear.
Walkin’ round in womens’ underwear.
Walkin’ round in womens’ underwear.

Melody – La Cucaracha
La cock’ll choke you, la cock’ll choke you,
Eef you put it down my throat,
La cock’ll choke you, la cock’ll choke you,
Get off my face you big fat bloat.
La cock’ll choke you, la cock’ll choke you,
Eet’s too beeg for my small mouth,
La cock’ll choke you, la cock’ll choke you,
I don’ go north, I just go south.
La cock’ll choke you, eet make me gag, too
It can really make me squirm,
La cock’ll choke you, la cock’ll choke you,
I’d rather suck tequila worm.

Melody – Military-Style Cadence Chant

Little bird
With a yellow bill
Sat upon
My window sill
Lured him in
With a piece of bread
Then I smashed
His birdie head
I scooped him in
With a Dixie cup
Then I swallowed 
Him right up
The morale of
The story is
If you want some head
Better eat your bread.

Melody – I Say a Little Prayer

From the moment I woke up
I already knew I’d fucked up
So I sang a little prayer to G
That condom was busted
Gas station brands can’t be trusted
So I sang a little prayer to G
I got drunk, I fucked up
I ruined my life
Now I’ll be with you till death do us part
Together forever, that’s how we will be Because
— she won’t go pro choice for meeeeeeeeee

Melody – Funiculi, Funicula

Last night I stayed at home and masturbated,
It felt so good, I knew it would.
Last night I stayed at home and masturbated,
It felt so nice, I did it twice.
You should have seen me on the long stroke,
Straight up and down, straight up and down
You should have seen me on the short strokes,
Just tickle the crown, tickle the crown.
Smash it, bash it, throw it on the floor,
Wrap it around the bed post,
Slam it in the door.
Some people say it’s fun to fornicate,
But as for me, I’d rather stay at home and masturbate. hey-hey!

To the tune of “YMCA“

Young girl, I like it when you go down
I say, young girl, put your knees on the ground
I say, young girl, with your lips full and round
On your knees you make me happy
(Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit)
I want to spray you with MY DNA
I want to spray you with MY DNA
It’s a present from me, a gift to all the girls
I hope that you like to wear pearls
I want to spray you with MY DNA
I want to spray you with MY DNA
Drink it down, down, down down

chorus:
Poetry, poetry, how do you like my poetry?
Not as mellow as Longfellow but it’s poetry (to me)
Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.

It followed her to school one day, school one day, school one day,
It followed her to school one day,
And a big black dog fucked it!
Betty and Jack, up a tree
F-U-C-K-I-N-G

First cums Betty then cums jack
Then cums the goo out of Bettys crack
Mary had a little sheep,
And with the sheep she went to sleep,
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
And Mary had a little lamb.
When Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was surprised.
But when Old MacDonald had a farm,
The doctor nearly died.
Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner,
Fingering his sister Mary.
He stuck in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And said, “Ain’t it supposed to be a cherry?”
Little Boy Blue . . .
Because he needed the money.
Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her,
And said, “What’s in the bowl, bitch?”
Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came another spider,
And crawled up inside her,
So she crushed it to death with her spoon.
Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack jumped over the candlestick,
Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jackie boy he singed his prick.
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard,
To get her poor dog a bone.
But when old Mother bent over,
Rover he drove her, ’cause
He had a bone of his own.
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard,
To get her poor daughter a dress.
When she got there the cupboard was bare,
And so was her daughter, I guess.
There once was an old lady,
Who lived in a shoe,
She had so many kids that her
Cunt could stretch over a trash can.
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water,
Jill came down with half a crown,
But not for fetching water.
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
On an elephant.
Jill got down and helped
Jack off the elephant.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the king’s horses, and all the king’s men,
Had one fucking big omelet.

Melody – Eye of the Tiger
Rising up, between the sheets
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I came on her feet
I’m just a man trying to survive
So many times it happens too fast
I cum with passion and fury
She lost her grip so I creamed on her ass
I must fight just to keep this alive
I’m in her butthole 
And it doesn’t seem right
Something keeps bumping into my head
I shove it in deeper
And she puts up a fight 
So I pull out and she shits on the bed, 
I’m back inside her

Melody – Jingle Bells
Give his rump a thrashing 
We don’t even know if he’s gay
that’s okay with us,
It’s better off that way
Toss his salad deeply
Make his penis rise
Reach around and grab ahold
Of the thing between his thighs
Ohhhhh rusty trombone
Rusty trombone
Jerk it up and down
Beat his meat left and right
And laugh at the sound–
HA HA HA
Rusty trombone, rusty trombone
Jerk it up and down
Beat his meat left and right and 
Drink it…down down down

Melody – The Candy Man

chorus
(Oh!) The S & M man.
The S & M man,
The S & M man because mixes it with love,
Makes the hurt feel good, the hurt feel good.

verses
Who will run through shiggy, (Who will run through shiggy,)
Ripping up his flesh, (Ripping up his flesh)
And turn right around,
And repeat the bloody mess? (CHORUS)

Who cuts off your gonads,
Boils ‘em in a stew,
Later that evening,
He’ll feed ‘em back to you? (CHORUS)

Who can take a razor,
And no shaving cream,
Scrape her pussy bald,
While he listens to her scream? (CHORUS)

Who can take a bottle,
Shove it up your ass,
Hit it with a hammer,
And line your ass with glass? (CHORUS)

Who can take your penis,
Slam it in a door,
Slam it in a door,
So you can’t fuck anymore? (CHORUS)

Who can take a sander,
Make sure it’s Black and Decker,
Rub it up and down,
Until you’ve got a bleeding pecker? (CHORUS)

Who can take two ice picks,
Stick one in each ear,
And ride her like a Harley,
While he roots her up the rear? (CHORUS)

Who takes jumper cables,
Clamps one on each tit,
Starts up the car,
And electrocutes the bitch? (CHORUS)

ho can take a vagina,
Suck out all the yeast,
Spit it out into some dough,
And serve bread at the hash feast? (CHORUS)

Who can take a puppy,
Hold it by the ears,
Fuck it in the ass,
Until it sheds those puppy tears? (CHORUS)

Who can take a cheese grater,
Strap it to his arm,
Fist fuck the bitch
And make Vagina Parmesan? (CHORUS)

Who can take a baby,
Lay it on a bed,
Turn the bugger over,
Fuck the soft spot in its head? (CHORUS)

Who can take a little girl,
Before she’s on the rag,
Fuck her till she’s dead
And then toss her in a bag? (CHORUS)

Who goes to the abortion clinic,
Sneaks around the back,
Digs through the dumpster,
Until he finds a tasty snack? (CHORUS)

Melody – I Will Survive

At first she was afraid
She was petrified
She didn’t think she could take his dick 
No matter how she tried
After so many wild nights, with so many horny dudes
She grew strong 
She learned how take a dong
Now she’s back, 
She’s in his bed
He walked in to find her there 
Just begging to give him head
He unleashed his massive cock, 
He set his weiner free
He threw on all fours, 
And began smashing that pussy
Go on now! Daddy’s little whore
Driving her to pound town
She’s not walking any more
Wasn’t she was the one who said she couldn’t get it in
But look now, we see his balls slapping on her chin
Oh not her!
She will survive! 
As long as she has lots of lube she thinks she’ll stay alive!
He has so much dick to give
But she’s determined she will live
She will survive!
She will survive (eh eh ugh ohhhhhh)
Drink it down down down down down!

To the tune of Livin’ La Vida Loca

She’s into superstition
Hash marks and on-on calls
I have a poor condition
Half drunk with blue balls
She’ll make you take your clothes off and go hashing in the rain
She’ll pass you at the boob check and leave you there in vain
Driving you insane–come on! 
No one is around–let those titties pop out!
Will she pull them out–let those titties pop out! 
Please don’t make me beg–do a topless polka 
Finally pulled them out–let those titties pop out! 
Let those titties pop out! Let those titties pop out!  Let those titties pop out!

Melody – Shallows from A Star is Born

Tell me somethin’ girl
Are you ready for this morning wood?
Or do you need more
Is there somethin’ else you’re itchin’ for?
I’m all in
Deep in your backside
I find myself pumping with rage
Did some things that are bad for your health
Tell me something boy
You got something that’ll fill this void?
I hope you got more
Hope it’s hard and deep like hardcore
I’m all in
Deep in your backside
I find myself pumping with rage
I fucked up your ass like a commonwealth
I’m in your rear end
Watch as I dive in
I’ll even eat the brown
Thrashing your butthole
Sucking out your soul
I’m bringing the ringsting now
the ringsting now
ringsting now
ringsting now
I’m bringing the ringsting now
oooohhhhh   oahhhhhhh,   oahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I’m in your rear end
Watch as I dive in
I’ll even eat the brown
Thrashing your butthole
Sucking out your soul
I’m bringing the ringsting now

A long, long, time ago,
I can still remember, my very first blowjob
And how my little pecker quivered,
with every tongue lap, she delivered,
And when she licked my ball-sac, I could barely hold my wad back,
Well, I tried to stick it in her butt,
But I split her ass and ripped her guts,
I guess I’ll just have to find a slut,
The day, my Puppy died,
I was singing,
Oh, why, why, did my dog have to die,
That retriever has a beaver that would never run dry,
She’d grab my pipe and jacket and unzip my fly,
Singin’ why did my dog have to dieeee

Oh, the liquor was spilled on the barroom floor,
And the bar was shuttered for the night,
When out from his hole came a little brown mouse,
And he sat in the pale moonlight.
Oh, he lapped up the liquor on the barroom floor,
And back on his haunches he sat,
And all night long you could hear him roar,
“BRING ON THE GODDAMNED CAT!”
Oh, out came the cat and they had a little spat,
And he ate up the little brown mouse,
And the moral of the story is,
DONT FUCK WITH PUSSY
YOU CAN’T DRINK LIQUOR ON THE HOUSE!

chorus
Leader: Is everybody Happy
All: You bet your ass we are!
All: (raise cups over heads and make one complete turn while humming)
Da da dut da da, da da dut da da

Leader: Today is Monday!
All: Today is Monday!
Leader: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)
All: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)
Leader: Today is Tuesday!
All: Today is Tuesday!
Leader: Tuesday is a finger day! (fingering motion)
All: Tuesday is a finger day! (fingering motion)
Leader: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)
All: Monday is a wanking day! (wanking motion)
continue
…Wednesday is a hmmmm day! (stick tongue between 2nd & 3rd fingers)
…Thursday is a drinking day! (raise glass in salute)
…Friday is a fucking day! (humping motions, cheering, happiness)
…Saturday is a hashing day! (running motions, cheering, happiness)day of rest
…Sunday is a day of rest (low key, almost quiet)